There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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