You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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