I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
