I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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