my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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