i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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