So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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