I wannas sexs uuuuu
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
