wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
