So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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