you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
tell me about the fingering
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