things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hippo gnu deer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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