Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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