Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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