I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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