Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
