i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
