I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
