You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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