He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
