my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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