My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
