This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
