why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
