Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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