Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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