i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
