she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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