you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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