I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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