we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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