I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
