Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
