I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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