There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
