Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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