if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
