Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You pole danced in your parka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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