my phone needs a breathalizer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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