I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
