his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
