i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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