i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
