Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
