I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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