girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
