The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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