Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
