Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
