Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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