i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
