Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
