I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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