he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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