Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
