I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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