haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize