Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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