I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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