Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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