I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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