Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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