I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
