I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
