Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize