just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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