He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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