You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
