Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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